Death
In Judaism, death is not a tragedy, even when it occurs early in life or through unfortunate circumstances. Death is a natural process. Our deaths, like our lives, have meaning and are all part of G-d’s plan. In addition, we have a firm belief in an afterlife, a world to come, where those who have lived a worthy life will be rewarded.
Mourning practices in Judaism are extensive, but they are not an expression of fear or distaste for death. Jewish practices relating to death and mourning have two purposes: to show respect for the dead (kavod ha-met), and to comfort the living (nihum avelim), who will miss the deceased.

After a person dies, the eyes are closed, the body is laid on the floor and covered, and candles are lit next to the body. The body is never left alone until after burial, as a sign of respect. The people who sit with the dead body are called shomerim, meaning “guards” or “keepers”.

Respect for the dead body is a matter of paramount importance. For example, the shomerim may not eat, drink, or perform a commandment in the presence of the dead. To do so would be considered mocking the dead, because the dead can no longer do these things.
Most communities have an organisation to care for the dead, known as the chevra kaddisha (the holy society). These people are volunteers. Their work is considered extremely meritorious, because they are performing a service for someone who can never repay them.
Autopsies in general are discouraged as desecration of the body. They are permitted, however, where it may save a life or where local law requires it. When autopsies must be performed, they should be minimally intrusive.
The presence of a dead body is considered a source of ritual impurity. For this reason, a priest (kohein) may not be in the presence of a corpse. People who have been in the presence of a body wash their hands before entering a home. This is done to symbolically remove spiritual impurity, not physical uncleanness: it applies regardless of whether you have physically touched the body.

In preparation for the burial, the body is thoroughly cleaned and wrapped in a simple, plain linen shroud. The Sages decreed that both the dress of the body and the coffin should be simple, so that a poor person would not receive less honour in death than a rich person. The body is wrapped in a tallit (fringed garment) The body is not embalmed, and no organs or fluids may be removed. According to some sources, organ donation is permitted, because the subsequent burial of the donor will satisfy the requirement of burying the entire body.
The body must not be cremated. It must be buried in the earth. Coffins are not required, but if they are used, they must have holes drilled in them so the body comes in contact with the earth.
The body is never displayed at funerals; open casket ceremonies are forbidden by Jewish law. According to Jewish law, exposing a body is considered disrespectful, because it allows not only friends, but also enemies to view the dead, mocking their helpless state.

Mourning
Jewish mourning practices can be broken into several periods of decreasing intensity. These mourning periods allow the full expression of grief, while discouraging excesses of grief and allowing the mourner to gradually return to a normal life.
When a close relative (parent, sibling, spouse or child) first hears of the death of a relative, it is traditional to express the initial grief by tearing one’s clothing. The tear is made over the heart if the deceased is a parent, or over the right side of the chest for other relatives. This tearing of the clothing is referred to as keriyah . The mourner recites the blessing describing G-d as “the true Judge,” an acceptance of G-d’s taking of the life of a relative.
From the time of death to the burial, the mourner’s sole responsibility is caring for the deceased and preparing for the burial. This period is known as aninut. During this time, the mourners are exempt from all positive commandments (“thou shalts”), because the preparations take first priority. This period usually lasts a day or two; Judaism requires prompt burial.
During this aninut period, the family should be left alone and allowed the full expression of grief. Condolence calls or visits should not be made during this time. After the burial, a close relative, near neighbour or friend prepares the first meal for the mourners, the se’udat havra’ah (meal of condolence). This meal traditionally consists of eggs (a symbol of life) and bread. The meal is for the family only, not for visitors. After this time, condolence calls are permitted.

The next period of mourning is known as shiva (seven, because it lasts seven days). Shiva is observed by parents, children, spouses and siblings of the deceased, preferably all together in the deceased’s home. Shiva begins on the day of burial and continues until the morning of the seventh day after burial. Mourners sit on low stools or the floor instead of chairs, do not wear leather shoes, do not shave or cut their hair, do not wear cosmetics, do not work, and do not do things for comfort or pleasure, such as bathe, have sex, put on fresh clothing, or study Torah (except Torah related to mourning and grief). Mourners wear the clothes that they tore at the time of learning of the death or at the funeral. Mirrors in the house are covered. Prayer services are held where the shiva is held, with friends, neighbours and relatives making up the minyan (10 people required for certain prayers).

The next period of mourning is known as shloshim (thirty, because it lasts until the 30th day after burial). During that period, the mourners do not attend parties or celebrations, do not shave or cut their hair, and do not listen to music.

The final period of formal mourning is avelut, which is observed only for a parent. This period lasts for twelve months after the burial. During that time, mourners avoid parties, celebrations, theatre and concerts. For eleven months of that period, starting at the time of burial, the son of the deceased recites the mourner’s Kaddish every day.
After the avelut period is complete, the family of the deceased is not permitted to continue formal mourning; however, there are a few continuing acknowledgments of the decedent. Every year, on the anniversary of the death, family members observe the deceased’s yahrzeit (anniversary). On the yahrzeit, sons recite Kaddish and take an aliyah (bless the Torah reading) in synagogue if possible, and all mourners light a candle in honour of the decedent that burns for 24 hours.

When visiting a mourner, a guest should not try to express grief with standard, shallow platitudes. The guest should allow the mourner to initiate conversations. One should not divert the conversation from talking about the deceased; to do so would limit the mourner’s ability to fully express grief, which is the purpose of the mourning period. On the contrary, the caller should encourage conversation about the deceased.
When leaving a house of mourning, it is traditional for the guest to say, “May the Lord comfort you with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

Taken from the Judaism 101 website

We think of grief as a uniquely human emotion, but there are many examples of animals apparently experiencing suffering from the loss of a ‘loved one’.

Recently, off the coast of Vancouver, Canada, a Killer Whale kept her dead calf with her for more than two weeks before finally letting go of the baby’s body. The newborn Orca died soon after birth, but its mother ‘repeatedly retrieved’ its sinking body, ‘supporting it on her forehead and pushing it in choppy seas’ according to a statement from the Center for Whale Research.

The sight of the mother Killer Whale carrying her baby’s body for 17 days and over 1,000 miles was ‘an image of grief that struck an emotional chord worldwide’ according to the Guardian. The paper reported that the whale’s story had inspired an upsurge in support for environmental action to save the endangered animals.

But from a scientific perspective, animal grief in complicated. Studies suggest that some animals might understand death in ways similar to humans. But professionally sceptical, scientists believe that more research is required before we can definitively refer to non-human species’ response to death as “grieving”.

That, however, won’t prevent the rest of us seeing heart-breaking animal behaviours in terms of our own understanding of grief. The recent images of the Orca and her calf are just the latest in a long line of pictures and videos that are popularly seen as evidence of animal grieving.

A post on Refinery29.com speculates on the behaviours of a range of animals that seem to be mourning like people. It describes chimpanzees appearing to hold funerals; baboons apparently seeking the comfort from others in their group after a death; elephants possibly paying their last respects; and the death of a duck, maybe from a broken heart, very soon after losing its companion.

While acknowledging the need for more science, the post explains our readiness to see grief in the animal kingdom as a reflection of our own struggle to understand the grieving process. “…even among humans, grief can feel like a mystery, so it’s a small comfort to see some of our own mourning processes reflected in other species.”

Overlaying human interpretations of animal behaviour is common in everyday life and it’s no surprise that we see echoes of ourselves in their response to death. From the communal cackling of Magpies to mark the demise of one of their own to the mournful howling of wolves that have lost a member of the pack, we want to believe these animals are expressing their grief as openly as we do.

Writing in the Telegraph, Dr Marc Bekoff, professor at the University of Colorado and author of ‘The Emotional Lives of Animals’, explains that the fact that we share traits with animals, including emotions, is an extension of Charles Darwin’s accepted ideas about evolution.

“The differences between species are differences in degree rather than differences in kind,” he wrote. “The seemingly natural human urge to impart emotions on to animals, far from obscuring the “true” nature of animals, may actually reflect a very accurate way of knowing.”

1. Brazilian Joao Maria de Souza was killed in 2013 when a cow fell through his roof onto him as he slept. 
2. Clement Vallandigham, a 19th century US lawyer, accidentally shot himself dead while defending a murder suspect – because he was trying to demonstrate that a supposed victim could have accidentally shot himself dead. (It worked, because his client was acquitted.)
3. Canadian lawyer Garry Hoy died while trying to prove that the glass in the windows of a 24th floor office was unbreakable, by throwing himself against it. It didn’t break – but it did pop out of its frame and he plunged to his death.
4. In 2007 the deputy mayor of Delhi, Surinder Singh Bajwa, died falling off a balcony while trying to fend off a troupe of attacking monkeys.
5. Monica Meyer, the mayor of Betterton, Maryland, died while checking her town’s sewage tanks– she fell in and drowned in 15 feet of human waste.
6. Sigurd the Mighty, a ninth-century Norse earl of Orkney, was killed by an enemy he had beheaded several hours earlier. He’d tied the man’s head to his horse’s saddle, but while riding home one of its protruding teeth grazed his leg. He died from the infection.
7. The owner of the company that makes Segways died in 2010 after accidentally driving his Segway off a cliff.
8. Robert Williams, a Ford assembly line worker, is the first human in history to have been killed by a robot. He was hit by a robot arm in 1979.
9. In 1923, jockey Frank Hayes won a race at Belmont Park in New York despite being dead— he suffered a heart attack mid-race, but his body stayed in the saddle until his horse crossed the line for a 20–1 outsider victory.
10. US congressman Michael F. Farley died in 1921 as a result of shaving– because his shaving brush was infected with anthrax.
11. Several people danced themselves to death during the month-long Dance Fever of 1518 in Strasbourg, during which hundreds of people danced for about a month for no clear reason.
12. Paul G. Thomas, the owner of a wool mill, fell into one of his machines in 1987 and died after being wrapped in 800 yards of wool.
13. Edward Harrison was playing golf in Washington state in 1951 when his driver snapped, and the shaft lodged in his groin. He staggered about 100 yards before bleeding to death.
14. In 1900, American physician Jesse William Lazear tried to prove that Yellow Fever was transmitted by mosquitoes by letting infected mosquitoes bite him. He then died of the disease. Proving himself right.
15. Russian physician Alexander Bogdanov performed pioneering blood transfusions on himself, believing they would give him long life. They actually killed him after he suffered an adverse reaction.
16. Austrian tailor Franz Reichelt thought he’d invented a device that could make men fly. He tested this by jumping off the Eiffel Tower wearing it. It didn’t work. He died.
17. In 1567, the man said to have the longest beard in the world died after he tripped over his beard running away from a fire.
18. The Greek philosopher Chrysippus of Soli is said to have died of laughter after watching a donkey trying to eat his figs.
19. British actor Gareth Jones died of a heart attack while performing in a live televised play in 1958 – in which his character was scripted to have a heart attack. The rest of the cast improvised around his death and finished the play.
20. Mary Ward was a pioneering Irish female scientist who is sadly better known as the first person in history to ever be killed in a car accident– while driving with her family in their experimental “road locomotive steam engine”.
21. And the first pedestrian ever killed by a car was Bridget Driscoll of Croydon, London, in 1896.
22. Carl Wilhelm Scheele was a brilliant Swedish chemist who had an unwise habit of tasting all the chemicals he discovered. He died in 1786 as a result of his exposure to lead, hydrofluoric acid, arsenic and various other poisons.
23. Engineer Horace Lawson Hunley pioneered submarine design in the American Civil War – although most of them sank. He died when his final model, named after himself, sank while he was in command of it.
24. General John Sedgwick was killed by a sniper in the American Civil War shortly after uttering the words “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.”(Contrary to popular belief, though, they weren’t his last words. They were his second-last. His last words were agreeing that dodging was in fact a good idea.)
25. Health fanatic Basil Brown managed to kill himself by drinking a gallon of carrot juice a day, in the belief it would make him healthy.
26. In 1992, Greg Austin Gingrich died in the Grand Canyon after jokingly pretending to fall to his death, then losing his footing and actually falling to his death.
27. Queen Sunanda Kumariratana of Siam (now Thailand) drowned in 1880 in full view of many of her subjects – because they were forbidden to touch her, so couldn’t rescue her.
28. The first people ever killed in an air accident were hot air balloon pioneers Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier and Pierre Romain, in 1785.
29. And the first person ever killed in a powered aeroplane crash was Lieutenant Thomas Selfridge in 1908, in a plane piloted by Orville Wright.
30. Twenty-one people died in the Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919, when a massive tank of molasses burst on a warm day, sending a 25ft high wave of sweetener through the city at 35mph.
31. And eight people died in the London Beer Flood of 1814, when a giant vat at a brewery burst, sending over 3,500 barrels of beer pouring though the nearby streets.

We have asked our longest serving suppliers to write a guest blog for us. Like many industries there are companies that never get recognised for the work they do. We would not be able to provide the service we do without the reliability and flexibility we receive from such a great supplier.  Thank you to Garry for finding the time to write this.

Front row left to right – Danny Green (I.T.), Geoff Horner (account manager), Emelia Finn (sales ledger), Chloe Rogers (office supervisor), Tom Stroud (account manager), Harry Allsop (website & marketing manager).
Back row left to right – Pauline Jupp (purchase ledger), Garry Allsop (M.D.), Dolly Garland (general manager).

“We have had the pleasure of supplying Bungard and Sons Ltd for four generations now. 

My grandpa had his own one-man business supplying local funeral directors with coffin timber sets and various other funeral supplies, and used to supply Bungards back in the 60’s and 70’s. 

He introduced my father to the funeral trade, and after my grandpa retired, my father and myself formed Allsops and we were able to continue supplying them. 

At one point we were based only a couple of streets away and they used us as their stock room, so we got to know them pretty well.  

There have been times when they have asked us to source a one-off or unusual funeral product for them, whether it be a special coffin interior lining made in our own workshop, or an unusual set of handles for the coffin, and we have always been very happy to do so.          

 These days we supply funeral directors all over the country, but Bungards are the sort of company we especially like to do business with. 

They are, and have always been, the most gentlemanly, friendly and decent folks you could hope to meet.   Thoroughly professional, they put their clients before anything else.   My father has since retired and my son and daughter have joined me in our business. 

They echo my sentiments, which I believe is the same as Bungards – treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself.”

Our next Civil Celebrant we would like you to meet is the very lovely Linda Hodgson

Linda Hodgson Independent Life Celebrant

Celebrating Life with stories told from the heart…

Every time I go to meet a family, I go with an open mind and an open heart.  I am conscious that I am entering their lives at a very difficult time, as they deal with all the consequences of their loved one’s death, there are so many practical things they have to do, at a time when they are emotionally vulnerable.  So for me the most important thing I can do, is to help to ease the burden of preparing the funeral service.

I always greet them with a smile, and if they ask me if I would like a cup of tea, I usually say ‘if you are making one that would be lovely’  and as I explain that I prefer it not too milky ‘builders’ style, quite strong, it breaks the ice, distracts them for a while.  Then we sit down together and start to chat.

I believe that everyone has a story to tell, and sharing their loved ones story at the time of their funeral is a way of honouring them and acknowledging their time here on Earth, no matter what their life might have been like, for I honour every single life. Some lives have been filled with adventure, travel, career achievement, family harmony, other lives might seem lonely to the outsider, some may have been filled with the challenges of addiction, or family conflict, I give them all equal attention and care, particularly those that have died in more difficult circumstances, or have left behind a fractured family, my heart goes out to them all.  To me it is important to bring some dignity to them, to look for the nuggets of love that were present in their life, I am always amazed at our capacity, as humans, for unconditional love, and in the end that is all that matters and what I look for in everyone’s stories are the moments of love shared.

So when I sit with a family and encourage them to talk about their loved one, sharing in memories, thinking about them when they were well, and living their life, and choosing poems and music for the service, the families tell me that they find it quite cathartic.

Not only do they have a sense of relief that I will be there supporting them through the service, they also feel that the conversation has helped them to remember a time when their loved ones were not ill, or frail, or suffering from dementia, or with their mental health or fighting off cancer, talking openly in this way is just a small step on their long journey, to living their life without that person by their side.  Sometimes we shed tears together as they talk about their memories, and the qualities that made their loved one the unique and amazing human that they were.

Some people know exactly what they want to do to say goodbye to their wife, husband, life partner, mother, father, sister, brother, son or daughter, granny, grandad, or even distant relative, they write their life story, share their memories, choose all the music, decide that they want to toast them with a  tot of Baileys at the end of the service, or release Dove’s to help their soul on their journey, or simply place a flower on the coffin as they leave.

Their stories make us laugh, make us cry, the whole rollercoaster of emotions are experienced during the service.  Sometimes family members can stand up and read the life story or a poem.

When families feel that they would not be able to stand up and say anything, and are not sure what to do or how to even start writing a life story, I sit with them and reassure them that I can do it all, and we spend time talking and chatting whilst I write fantastically fast to capture all their memories.

As a Life Celebrant, I will do whatever a family wants to do to celebrate their loved ones life, many people no longer want a full religious service, but still have an underlying faith, so for them I do a semi-religious service, where we sing hymns and say a prayer, as well as share in memories, so it is still life-centred and personalised.  Other families want a service that is totally life-centred, with no religious content. Each service I do is created from scratch to ensure it reflects the essence of the person that we are saying goodbye to.

I have been doing Celebrant work for just nearly 3 years now, I always say that I have found my vocation.  It is always a pleasure to work with my Funeral Directors, particularly Richard and Ben at Bungard, the care they show to their families, is always heart-warming.  I feel privileged every day to be able to help families at such a difficult time, and I am always honoured when they return to me, as many have, but to me the most amazing part of being a Celebrant is witnessing the power of the human spirit, and the capacity for love, forgiveness, and kindness.  As I walk my dog down on the beach, I look to the sky and think how lucky I am to be able to see the wonder of our world every day, and be a part of celebrating life’s journey.