This is a lovely little story I came across, make sure you keep filling up your account!

A 92-year-old delicate but well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and his face shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he manoeuvred his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

‘I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. ‘Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’

‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied. ‘Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged … it’s how I arrange my mind.

I already decided to love it. ‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.’

‘Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life.’

‘Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in.’

‘So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.’

Golden Charter looks at the almost universal trend for documenting every aspect of our lives using our smartphone cameras, from holiday destinations to what we’re having for dinner, it’s little surprise that there are an increasing number of photographs taken at funerals.

A 2015 survey in the Telegraph showed that one third of mourners admitted to taking “selfies” at funerals, mainly to get sympathy on social media. Many are in bad taste and highlight a lack of awareness that sharing pictures from a funeral on social media can cause real distress for grieving relatives.

But the strong reaction people have to funeral photographs is not just about selfie sharing on social networks – people are generally not particularly comfortable with the idea of taking photographs at a funeral.

Many people bristle at the thought of funeral photographs, seeing it as disrespectful and an invasion of mourners’ privacy. Some people question why anyone would want to remember such a sad affair in photographic detail. Others are distressed by the notion of posing for a funeral photograph the way they might for a wedding photograph, feeling that they need to hide their emotions for the sake of the camera.

But there is a small but growing consensus that, if we record every other significant event in our life, why not the passing of our loved ones?  For many families, a funeral is one of the very few times that all members of the extended family come together in one place, making it a unique opportunity to capture a truly cross-generational photograph.

A unique family memento

So whilst some may perceive it to be a bad idea to take out your phone to shoot a quick selfie or gather together grieving family members for a photo opportunity, considerate funeral photography can provide a unique family memento of a special time.

If you plan to take photographs at the funeral of a friend or family members, be sure to ask permission of the family members organising the funeral. You should also ask the permission of the location where the funeral service is taking place. The attending funeral director may also be able to give advice.

While you can take photographs yourself, there is a growing number of professional funeral photographers who will ensure that photographs are taken discreetly and sensitively. A good funeral photographer can cover all aspects of the send-off, from the service to the wake.

Funeral photography isn’t to everyone’s taste, but as more and more people come to see funerals as celebrations of a life past rather than a sombre mourning ritual, it is likely we will start to see professional photographers document the proceedings the way they would a wedding or a christening.

Funeral photographer Alison Burke says on her website: “More and more we are seeking to commemorate the life of the person we are bidding farewell to in a celebratory and positive manner.”

She explains that funeral photographs have to do some good for those who remain in life. “It has to be carried out thoughtfully, with compassion and respect, but above all else, it must come from the heart, and when it does, it can be a beautiful and touching way to remember this significant moment.”

We are incredibly proud to announce that our lead Funeral Director Benjamin Day has been nominated and has successfully made it through to the final of the Good Funeral Awards 2019!

The awards are hosted by the Association Of Green Funeral Directors with this years ceremony being held in Kent on the 19th October to celebrate excellency within the funeral profession.

Ben will face some tough competition with finalists drawn from all over the country, but we are keeping everything crossed he comes home a winner! We know he truly deserves industry recognition for the amazing service, care and dedication he gives to every one of our families.                                                                                                                     Good Luck Ben!

UPDATE 

Sadly Ben did not win as “Funeral Director of the Year” at the awards this year. However he is definitely a winner in our eyes. It was so lovely to read all the nominations that he received from his clients and families but also the kind and very well earnt praise and support he received from local ministers, celebrants and colleagues. Ben is such a great and appreciated member of the Team and may he continue to serve for many years to come. Congratulations from all of your colleagues Ben for being our Best Funeral Director.

Ben and his wife Leila attended the event and both looked amazing as the photo shows. The event was preceded by an exhibition at the venue of Port Lympne Hotel, Hythe and an opportunity to explore the gardens.

World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) is an annual awareness event established to raise awareness about suicide across the globe and working together to prevent it.

In 2017, in the UK and Ireland alone, over 6,000 people died of suicide. Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy.

Did you know that in 2018 there were 6,507 suicides in the UK alone? that’s 507 more deaths than last year.
And that In the UK men are three times as likely to die by suicide than women? The most affected age bracket amongst men is 45-49
The rate of deaths among the under 25’s in the UK increased by 23.7%, totalling 730 deaths in 2018.
In the Republic of Ireland, the rate is four times higher among men than women, and the highest suicide rate is amongst men aged 55-65.
In Scotland, the suicide rate among young people aged 15-24 increased by 52.7%. This is the highest it has been since 2007.

These are truly shocking statistics, but there IS some way you can help to drive down these figures.
The Samaritans have several campaigns that you can become involved with from

Tackling Loneliness –https://www.samaritans.org/support-us/campaign/take-action-now/
to Brew Mondays – https://www.samaritans.org/support-us/campaign/brew-monday-2019/
and Men on the Ropes https://www.samaritans.org/support-us/campaign/men-ropes/

to name a few things that you can either participate in or pass information to others about.

If you are feeling suicidal, or if you have concerns about somebody else please seek help, you can call Samaritans on 116 123 .
If you or someone you are concerned about is under 35 please call Papyrus on 0800 468 41 41 to seek help, advice, and a light at the end of the tunnel.

So far, thanks to our lovely families, we are pleased to announce that we have been able to help facilitate in sending Dementia UK £1,354.53p through our donation pages.

Dementia is an umbrella term for a range of progressive conditions that affect the brain. There are over 200 subtypes of dementia, with the five most common being: Alzheimer’s disease, Vascular dementia, dementia with Lewy bodies, Frontotemporal dementia and Mixed dementia.

Dementia UK provide specialist Admiral Nurses to support when things get challenging or difficult, their nurses work tirelessly alongside the entire family, giving them one-to-one support, expert guidance and practical solutions.

The unique dementia expertise and experience an Admiral Nurse brings is an absolute lifeline – it helps families to live more positively with dementia in the present, and to face the challenges of tomorrow with more confidence and less fear.

If you would like to donate to Dementia UK please follow the link below.
£10 could cover the costs of 4 people calling the helpline so calls are always free.
£27 could pay for a new Admiral Nurse to reach a family in crisis for an hour.
£70 could help fund a Helpline Admiral Nurse for two hours in the evening, helping carers in crisis in the night.

If you or your loved ones have been affected by this condition and you are able to help please go to https://www.dementiauk.org/

Recoleta Cemetery: What to Know About the World’s Best Cemetery

If you think of cemeteries as depressingly dark, underground affairs, Buenos Aires’ Recoleta Cemetery will turn that on its head – not least because most of the graves are built above ground. Here is our guide to this most quirky of resting places.

Considered one of the most unusual cemeteries in the world, the site was declared the city’s first official public burial place in 1822. Aside from being the resting place of the deceased, it is completely unlike a normal cemetery. The place is full of elaborately carved scroll-work and stately pillars that only reach up to your shoulder because all the structures are weirdly mini; it’s more magical than macabre. The burial site of Argentina’s most famous figures, including Evita herself, the cemetery is a must-do while in Buenos Aires.

Located on a hill in the lovely neighbourhood of Recoleta, make sure you pick up a map at the entrance because the place contains no less than 6,400 graves. Each one is unique, constructed in homage to a wide assortment of architectural styles – you’ll run into everything from Greek temples to miniature Baroque cathedrals. You could spend hours winding through the labyrinthine cemetery, so here are a few of the more interesting graves (and their stories) to keep an eye out for.

Eva “Evita” Perón

The final resting place of the nation’s iconic first lady, idolized by the public until her death from cancer in 1952, is actually not that remarkable – a rather dull, bronze affair, really – but it’s still a must-see. You’ll probably run into a few Argentines paying their respects while there. The most interesting thing about her grave has to do with how long the (then-military) government hid her body before finally interring it in the Recoleta Cemetery – it only took 20 years. Eva lies five metres underground, in a crypt fortified like a nuclear bunker, so that no one should ever again be able to disturb the remains of Argentina’s most controversial First Lady.”

Liliana Crociati de Szaszak
Here’s one for the story-books. Poor Liliana met a tragic end while honeymooning in the Alps an avalanche unexpectedly killed her and her new husband. Her parents, Italian immigrants to Argentina, were grief-stricken. Her grave is said to have been modelled on their daughter’s childhood room and is made entirely out of wood and glass, not a stone used, presumably in silent protest of the killer avalanche. There’s a statue of her standing outside of the tomb, where she is accompanied by her dog Sabú, who allegedly died the same moment as Liliana despite being continents away from his 26-year-old mistress. Her tomb is located near that of Sarmiento, toward which there are signposts.

Rufine Cambaceres
A claustrophobic person’s worst nightmare, Rufine was buried in 1910 at 19 years old believed to be in a coma, but the story goes grave-workers heard her screaming from the grave. When they dug her up, they reportedly saw evidence that she had unsuccessfully tried to claw her way out. Her distraught mother had the tomb rebuilt in sumptuous Art Nouveau glory, complete with sculpted flowers.

David Alleno
This guy supposedly haunts the cemetery. A former grave worker said to have saved up his whole life to buy a fancy grave, complete with a statue of himself, Alleno committed suicide in 1960 and people say he still wanders the cemetery at night.

Domingo Faustino Sarmiento
This grave is easily recognized, because it’s a miniature obelisk with a big condor on top. The country’s seventh president, a leader credited with organizing the educational system while criticized for his Euro-centric policies, Sarmiento designed the grave himself before he passed away in 1888 at the age of 77.

Recoleta Cemetery, Junín 1760, 1113 CABA, Argentina

It’s now possible to attend your own funeral. Yes, really. But would you want to?

Holding a ‘fake’ funeral can help to get a fresh perspective on life, face up to the inevitability of death and, in the case of those suffering from a terminal illness, give people a chance to say goodbye to loved ones. Oh, and just maybe listen to all the nice things people might say about you when you’re gone. And, according to funeral celebrants, it’s a practice that’s gaining popularity in Britain.

Holding a live funeral (a funeral where the star of the show is still living) has already taken hold in South Korea and also in Japan (where it’s called seizenso). Could our interest in these ceremonies be a sign of a shift away from death being taboo? If so, it may be a positive thing for our mental health – a 2009 study found that thinking about death for five minutes per day, for just one week, reduced depressive thoughts.

The rise of living funerals is part of a bigger shake-up of mourning culture. People are moving away from traditional religious ceremonies to consider alternatives such as eco funerals, with some funeral parlours now offering biodegradable coffins. Earlier this year, Hollywood star Luke Perry was buried wearing a “mushroom suit”. It’s a special outfit made from organic cotton and mushrooms which the suit’s makers claim can “reduce the body’s toxic pollutants which are often released into the environment during decomposition and cremation”.

You can even hire a “funeral wrecker”, someone paid to turn up to funerals with messages from the dead (sometimes vengeful, such as telling people to leave, sometimes funny or loving).

This is in stark contrast to the strict rules around death and funerals that became especially rigid during the Victorian era. Back then, customs included the need for mourners to wear all black for an extended period of time, depending on their closeness to the individual – widows, for example, were expected to spend two years dressed that way – and decline social gatherings for a year. Mourners would often also keep a snippet of the deceased’s hair, or wear specific mourning jewellery.

David Williamson, the Spiritual Care Lead at St Leonards Hospice in York, is planning to introduce living funerals as a service to patients later this year. “I’m ordained in the Church of England and I’ve done funerals for 30 years,” he says. “I’ve always been amazed at the tributes that friends and relatives give to the person who’s died and I often ask them, ‘Did you ever say that to the person when they were alive?’. And quite often they’ll say no. So I’ve always wondered, is there a better way we can express what we think and feel about people when they are alive?”

He has found that in a culture like Britain’s, which is traditionally quite emotionally reserved, living funerals can “free people up to let their emotions out without feeling embarrassed or awkward”.

Georgia Martin, 28, started organising living funerals on a voluntary basis after an emotional moment at her grandfather’s funeral. “I remember seeing his friends there and feeling so sad thinking, ‘he would have loved to see all these people. Why didn’t we arrange this when he was alive?’.”

One year on, she has arranged six living funerals and says that while each one is different, she thinks they help both the dying and their families with acceptance. In her view, they have the edge over a traditional funeral where the guest of honour is, of course, dead.

“While everybody comes to  your funeral after you die, you’re not actually there to hear all the things they love about you,” Georgia says. “It also gives you a chance to tell people, ‘it’s ok to move on when I’m gone’.”

For some, organising a living funeral for a terminally ill loved one can be a chance to feel useful during a difficult time. In 2016, Tom Honeywell, 24, helped organise a living funeral for his grandfather, who, after being told he had a month to live, became adamant he wanted one last celebration with his friends. About 80 people attended the event in Plymouth. There was a photographer, a photo booth with funny props and a stage where people stood up and gave toasts. Tom says: “I think it takes a strong person to do a living wake. You know what you’re celebrating; you know that you’re dying.”

While it might help the dying person to see friends for the last time, it can be painful to confront the reason why you’re all there.

“It was an emotional day,” says Tom, “It was surreal, celebrating his life while he was there. It made the fact he was dying feel more real. But it was his wish, and you could tell he enjoyed it. It’s a happy memory.”

While the majority of people who hold living wakes do so because they have a terminal diagnosis, some have them for more whimsical reasons. Michael Hebb, founder of Death Over Dinner (a non-profit organisation which encourages people to hold dinners to discuss tricky topics like death and dying), held one in Seattle to celebrate his 40th birthday. He and his long-term girlfriend had broken up just weeks before. Not wanting to be alone, he emailed 50 friends asking them to come and celebrate his birthday with him. Forty immediately replied saying they would be there and, among themselves, decided to throw their friend – fondly nicknamed “Mr Death” – a living funeral.

It started as a tongue-in-cheek idea but quickly became tinged with seriousness: far from the jokey ceremony they had set out to organise, Michael found himself dressed in white, in a custom-made coffin without a lid, where he lay for three hours. He was lifted up by pallbearers and taken into a darkened room, lit by a single candle.

“Their breath smelled richly of whiskey,” says Michael of the pallbearers. “They had to drink because they were freaked out.”

One of his friends, though she knew it wasn’t real, cried at the sight of him motionless in a coffin and attendees gave eulogies. One friend said: “I fear that you never knew how much I loved you.” Michael’s 15-year-old daughter ended the ceremony. “She put her hand on me and gave the most powerful eulogy of love, about what I meant to her. Everyone cried.”

Michael says he’s always had difficulty connecting with people and has had periods of loneliness in his life. But after the experience of lying in a coffin with no choice but to listen to how people felt about him, he says it has given him a fresh perspective. Now he feels like he as a “second chance” to improve his relationships and repair some of the mistakes of the past 40 years.

And it seems this trend has spilled over into festival culture. At the recent Vault Festival (as well as at Secret Garden Party, Bestival and Boomtown Fair in the past), an immersive theatre experience offered people the chance to indulge their slightly morbid curiosity about how their funeral might play out.

“We wanted to confront this Victorian culture where we only have certain options,” says theatre director Martin Coat, 38. “We’re told how to grieve, how to dress and behave – we wanted to challenge that, and send it up.”

After they came up with the idea of a live funeral experience, Martin and his colleagues built a graveyard, church and morgue as part of their set. Each ‘deceased’ person would then have a consultation to plan their funeral and choose some ‘hymns’ (mostly Disney songs or well-known hip hop tracks). Death would meet them and take them to the morgue for an ‘embalming’ experience, while the ‘congregation’ hung memories on a tree of remembrance. The ‘service’ would last 25 minutes with, Martin says, “often funny” eulogies from friends. Then the person would be placed in a coffin – with a hole so they could see out – and lowered into a 6ft (1.8m) grave.

While the show was meant to be playful, with memorable scenes including the ‘sacrifice’ of a teddy bear to bring people back to life, Martin confesses that sometimes it got a bit “egotistical” with people just keen to hear all the rose-tinted things people would say about them.

But, he says, there were also some truly moving moments. “Once we had an elderly couple who had already bought their own grave plots next to each other. They did it because they just wanted the other one to hear what they would say.

That show really stuck with us all.” 

But not everyone agrees that using the term funeral is a good idea. David says people often find the word off-putting, preferring “end of life celebration”. Laura Green, who lectures in palliative care at the University of Manchester, says if she were to have one, she’d call it a “send-off party” – but Georgia thinks we shouldn’t be striving to avoid mentioning death. “You have to connect it to dying,” she says, “because you are.”

So does the advent of living funerals suggest we’re getting more comfortable with the idea of our own mortality? Laura thinks it might be down to a mixture of a freer culture and a more open conversation around end-of-life issues. An increasing number of countries and US states have legalised assisted dying, where people can choose to end their own life with medical assistance, over the past three decades (though the UK isn’t one of them) – and it’s stimulating conversations about making plans for the end of life. “I think that means that funerals become part of a conversation with the person who’s dying,” says Laura, “rather than something that’s done afterwards, by the families.”

In an increasingly secular society, we are often left to decide for ourselves how to form our rituals around death and dying. “There are more and more alternative ideas about what people want and funerals are fitting into that,” says Laura. In fact, Georgia says that when she tells people she organises living funerals, they are often upset they hadn’t known it was an option when a loved one was dying.

Whether or not the thought of attending your own funeral appeals, perhaps some people will be comforted simply by having the option. “There’s this odd expectation that a funeral needs to be quiet and solemn with lavender-scented candles and darkness,” says Laura. “But if you’re a party animal, you might want a party. People want to die in the way they’ve lived.”

Article taken from BBC 3 website article posted July 2019 by Erica Buist

The RAF Benevolent Fund has been providing vital and wide-ranging support to people who served or did their National Service in the RAF for 100 years. But too many have fallen off the radar. They may be your friends or relatives, and they may need support, so please help us find them. 

Join The Search. Change A Life.

The RAF Benevolent Fund wants to get thousands of RAF veterans and their families back on the radar. We estimate that as many as 100,000 are in urgent need of what could be life-changing support.

We all have a last chance to do our duty, just as they did theirs, by giving them and their families the support they deserve.

Please get in touch with us today if you know someone who is in need of help or to request help for yourself. Alternatively, you can call the helpline number on 0300 102 1919.

Please join us on Saturday July 13th for our Open Day!

There will be various activities and talks hosted throughout the day, from crematorium tours to genealogy demonstrations.  Our grounds & chapels including the Extra Mural Chapel will be open to the general public so they can see what Woodvale has to offer.

Our vision is a day that will help to dispel the myths surrounding death and cremation, and also hopefully raise our profile amongst the residents of Brighton and Hove . We are confident that new visitors to Woodvale will be surprised & inspired by our lovely setting, and hope the experience will be a positive one for our visitors.

Woodvale is a great source of pride for the city and we want to share it with the community, therefore the day is free and open to all.

We look forward to seeing you there!

Directions: Woodvale’s main entrance is located about a mile from the city centre, on the Lewes Road (A270), Brighton, on the side of the road headed towards the city centre, please use the main entrance gate. There is sign-posting from all directions. A useful landmark near the main entrance is a yellow painted public house called The Gladstone and there is a BP garage opposite.

With Fathers Day fast approaching here in the UK we turn our thoughts to the fathers who are no longer with us. Dads who we desperately miss, Dads for whom death was a blessed release, Dads who were not biological Dads but acted as if they were.
Every father had their story to tell, their wisdom and love to impart and here at Bungards we join you in memory of your loved one and offer you our support and solidarity at what can be a really difficult time of year for some people.
If you are passing our office in Sackville Road please do come in and take a seed card to plant in memory of your loved one, and each year watch it bloom and grow into a beautiful tribute to your Dad.